I’m always too optimistic for my own good. I need an answer or I’m going to lose my fucking mind.
I always seem to struggle with who I am and who I want to be. I want to be hard and much colder so I don’t get so tied to things emotionally. On the I there hand I love to love and just making others happy, but when that’s taken away from me I wish I never had it in the first place. Feeling sad sucks.
I can’t get you out of my head lately. I’ll be doing fine and then something will remind me of you. I don’t want to forget you, but I want to forget what was because that’s not what is anymore. I just wish I knew what could make you leave so easily.
- call you names
- tell you weird and personal details about myself
- say “I NEED TO PEE” instead of just brb
- type in caps a lot.
If i’m extra comfortable with you I’ll do all that and:
- talk casually about porn and really perverted thoughts
- share funny photos from my tumblr dash
- actually tell you when i’m upset
- try to make conversation with you
- just generally act really silly when I’m in a good mood
- tell you jokes even if they’re bad
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Lots of random thought, but they all lead to one general topic. And that’s loneliness. Obviously no one wants to be alone, but sometimes it’s just inevitable. Or sometimes it’s necessary. I mean I can’t be think only one that thinks from time to time that they are “meant to be alone” just because things aren’t going well in the “love” department. But sometimes I really do feel like I shouldn’t try to get to know someone. I’ve got a nasty habit of pushing people away. Like I don’t know how to stop myself. I’m just dumb I guess. But really the overall point of this is to make a choice. Do I put myself out there and try to be with someone or do I just suffer with the loneliness so I can’t hurt anyone?
I got into a relationship too quickly with a woman that just ended a relationship of 3 years. Things didn’t work out in my favor and we are no longer dating. We both said we need some time and space then we’d take a crack at it again, but we all know how those situations go. So now I sit in my room every night whining about how I miss her and how I wish things could go back to how they used to be. It’s like we don’t even know each other now. ANYWAY. Moral of the story is I need to be more patient. Go with the flow and enjoy things more often. Because you won’t really know how long you’ll be able to enjoy them until they’re actually gone.