Always bummed out.
Like it’s normal for me to be bummed out about something. You can’t expect life to be perfect. But today was the worst. I never felt so unlike myself. I am stressed out with so much stuff. I don’t have anything to lift some of this stress either. I don’t drink or smoke. I don’t go to shows and punch people. I don’t have any real outlet for my frustrations. Yeah I can talk about it on here, but that’s all I ever do. I am seriously not happy. With anything. Nothing makes me happy. Not someone else, not some object, and most definitely not myself. I’m tired of being told “Don’t worry, Adam. Things will get better.” I have been waiting for things to get better for so damn long that I am just tired of waiting. I get this job, which I love, and I work all the time. That’s all I do anymore. I offer to give my parents money every paycheck. I believe I should do that anyway considering I can’t afford to live on my own. But it’s like I am getting burnt out. I spend all my time working so I have money to do that things I want to do, but never have the time to do that things I want to do. And giving my parents money hinders me also. Money is so stressful. My parents are always behind on bills because of their health. They think my Mom’s cancer might be back. I think I need my gallbladder taken out and the list just goes on. I am so lonely that I can’t even stand it anymore. I don’t even want to sleep because I am so sick of looking at my bed knowing that I’ll be sleeping alone. It’s like looking at a casket. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I just give up and do nothing.
